After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
