I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
