Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
