is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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