I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
