Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Houston, we have a blender
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
