She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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