smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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