we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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