Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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