I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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