OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
