exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
