woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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