There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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