i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
