She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
