So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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