You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I have demons in me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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