the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize