Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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