Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
