i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
