I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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