I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize