Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
