Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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