You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
