i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
