Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
