At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
