My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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