i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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