i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
