Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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