Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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