paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
