idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
