If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
