dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
