I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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