living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
