You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
