Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
