erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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