I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You're like the curious george of whores
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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