I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
