u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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