11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I love black thongs
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize