I look better un-naked...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
