At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
