Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
