I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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