i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize