alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
