I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
