Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize