I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize