and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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