Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
