Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
