I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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