Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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