Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
