We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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