My cat gives me a boner
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
