Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize