Please, let me fuck your mom
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
