you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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