nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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