I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
nutella sex= disaster
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
