Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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