I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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