the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
