Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
