Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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