Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
