well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize