They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
