Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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