My balls are so social today.
Even my vagina gasped.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
