3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My hand turned me down
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
