I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
