I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
